Saturday, September 19, 2009

Linda Blair and the sound of silence

Well it happened again. My partner and I had a blowout. It was a bad one this time. Worse than the one in August that sent him schlepping his hard drive and memory chips into the arms of another. Sure we got back together on August 19th and I talked with you about it then. I didn’t say anything more afterward because I wanted to move on with our lives but it was different. Things between us were strained ever since that little indiscretion but that was to be expected and we were making a go of things. He was moody. He hid things from me. He was unusually quiet. I thought he would come around, that he had just lost his drive. I probed and prodded looking deep into his mainframe but he remained silent.

I sought advice from others. I wondered what I had done or how we could make it right again. I wondered if I would ever hear his tinny awkward voice again. I dug deep, lurking around sleazy forums late at night surviving on coffee and cold pizza. Finally I found the torrid truth of what had gone on that week he was with another. He had given his driver to someone other than me. The sound driver was missing from his fun package and he didn’t want to talk about it.

I was crushed, lost and completely without sound. At first I didn’t mind the long silent hours we spent together. I thought I could wait, perhaps he would come around or we might find a new kind of communication. I bought new speakers but he refused my offer. I brought in skilled help but it was too late. I tried taking us back to the day he came back to me. Maybe “they” said I could go back to the time when he communicated his hopes and dreams to me, back to when the music played for us. The problem was deeper than I had ever imagined.

It seemed that the digital demon from Satan’s horde had marked my baby and he would never be the same again. That evil tormenting creature that took his sweet blistering time returning my one and only to me last month had played fast and loose with his preferences and installed an evil I had never known before. I was more than annoyed with that blasted little icon that popped up every five fricking minutes telling me where to click so I could buy their cheesy little product or how it popped up every single time it diverted a hacker sneeze or drive by cyber attack so I could marvel at it’s animal prowess. I counted the days till that little slimy spawn of digital regret finally expired. I spent my time researching and selecting the best and the brightest replacement. Oh, we would be safe but it would be on our terms and not some stranger plying his wares from a cramped strip mall store front.

And this is where the real nightmare began. The slimy digital regret had finally expired and I promptly went to the install/uninstall programs and yanked that creep out of there. I then blissfully installed my shiny new knight of digital defense. Well that little creep was not uninstalled! He was still lurking in there deep in the crevices and when my new guy rode his white stallion onto the stage that rotten little sleaze attacked. There was a great battle. It was Armageddon in there. My keyboard was mortally wounded. The mouse lay useless on the battlefield and user accounts was lost to oblivion. The monitor had gone an eerie blue safety mode with the foreign user name “Owner.” There was no way to reach anything. No mouse, no keyboard and no idea what the pass code for “owner” was even if I could get anything to work. The battle was over. We had lost.

So there I was with no key board, no mouse and no user accounts. I managed to get the mouse working with a little retro fitting connection and activated the on screen keyboard but it was a hollow victory. Somehow actual programs had been deleted and there was no going back. Where there should have been files or programs, user accounts or system restore, there was nothing, it was just blank. I would like to say the shock wore off and I knew what to do but that wasn’t the case. I was on the phone talking to those nerdy heroes at the Geek Squad only to find they had never heard of this, I should bring it in.

I handed the poor possessed thing over to the Geek at the counter. It spun its DVD player around and spit pea soup up on his clean white shirt. I just smiled and shrugged. I had to get home to clean up the fly infestation and write a thank you note to Linda Blair.

I don’t know how many priests had to be called in or how many buckets of pea soup were ultimately expelled but eventually I got my little buddy back. A few –read “way too many”- dollars were sacrificed on the alter of modern technology and some irreplaceable files were forever lost. I certainly hope I have not lost any of you who have been so wonderful in following my little blog. We are back in the saddle here at Bluegate Gardens and looking forward to next posting.

Oh, and I believe that the strip mall dwelling digital demon who came between my little buddy and I, well he holds a very special place in hell where the only communication technology is smoke signal and banana leaf.


  1. It is so good to see you posting again. I was getting worried. Computers can be such pains in the rear, their repairs are expensive, but ~ we can't live without them.

    Hope all is well now.


  2. You are truly a deep and humorous writer. Love this description.

  3. Lesan,
    Quite a unique post, I do say! All best to you and your system...
    Cheers, Alice
    aka Bay Area Tendrils (p.s. Happy to connect with you on Blotanical:~0)

  4. Oh wow you guys! I was so happy to see your comments this morning. It was so frustrating to lose a week of posting and not being able to connect with you. It really made my morning to hear from you. Thank you! :-)

  5. This is a creative post with unusual writing skills. Great!

  6. Well that is definitely a wonderful and unexpected compliment. Thank you so much! Or...did you mean creative and unusual in a "needs professional help" kind of way? hehe

  7. Loved the writing and post! Very cute indeed and I'm glad you are able to be back aboard.

  8. Woa LeSan,

    Been there got the T-shirt. Is it a Mac? I absolutely love this post. The sadness, the terror when these little machines we depend on go postal. Knock on wood, my Mac is a good machine, but her older sister in the next room not so much. Fussy. depressed. easy to crash.

    I love your writing, and would sure miss you if the cyber Gods wouldn't continue to let you play, write, and entertain us.

    Take care,


  9. Oh Barbara you had me laughing so hard I think I actually snorted! LOL

  10. I was glued to my screen throughout this suspenseful read! I'd forgotten there still remained endless ways words could combine to create such profound images! Don't worry about frequent posting...unless you are compelled to do so. I go 2 weeks (or more, sometimes) without a post...but when I do post, my blog buddies never seem to forget me;-) I am sure it is the same with you!

  11. Jan I'm glad you stuck with me.LOL It's just amazing how dependant we become on these things isn't it? Thank you for the supportive words about posting.