Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dentistry and the Dogs of Karma

I’m trying something new today and wanted to share it with you. My camera takes video but I have never bothered to use it. Why—who knows? Why does my camera shoot video to begin with? Why in the world does my phone take video and yet can’t make a decent latte`? These are questions I may never know the answer to. Just as I may never know exactly what Dr. Mengele, dentist extraordinaire, did to blind me and why he always offers me a blindfold when I come in. Sure they tell you it’s to shield your eyes from the bright light shining in your face but, he always seems just a tad too giddy when he hands them over for my taste. Why just this morning during my visit I was certain I heard him giggling behind his white paper mask. I reluctantly came back in for the final fittings of my crowns. I actually had to ask for a shot of Novocain. Bless his fool heart, he had suggested I wouldn’t need it. I wanted to be compliant, especially after the last visit, but when I jumped out of the chair like a first time nudist sporting a ruby red tush burn sitting on a cactus I had second thoughts about the wisdom of this choice. Who the heck did he think he was kidding with that anyway? Oh, that’s right—Me. The one peeling herself off the ceiling tiles and crying for her mother even though we all know I was raised by wolves. Now to clear a few things up. Dr. Mengele is a fine dentist. It’s truly not his fault that he’s an evil sadistic beast with sharp pokey instruments. I’m sure we can all agree that what’s important here is that he has found a fulfilling and meaningful career in the most frightening field ever invented. Most people of his caliber end up on America’s most wanted or wasting their superior talents in a concentration camp.

To date no one seems to be exactly sure of what happened on the last visit which resulted in an unfortunate absence of sight. Usually you don’t expect that sort of thing when you go to the dentist. Some pain and the usual weeping, sure but, blindness not so much. Of course it’s me and as Nutty Gnome has so elegantly phrased it, I am the Queen of Disaster. Now there’s a title a girl can be proud of. But she has a point. If there is a weird, deadly, unlikely, combination of bizarreness that will require several text books and a flock of desperate interns hopped up on double tall non fat soy milk latté’s and Peanut M&Ms to investigate, then I’m your gal. The last visit resulted in a hemotoma, an infection and a bad reaction to the Novocain. To make matters all the more annoying, the Novocain seems to be irritating the daylights out of the nerves and tissue around my eyes. I look like a raccoon turned peeping Tom at a chemical factory. (big red scaly burns ringing my eyes for those of you not up on your wildlife stalking behavior)
So far 2010 has had it out for me and though the year is still young, I’m wily and generally in a bad enough mood to put up a pretty good fight. If Karma really does exist then I’m pretty sure I must have been a real piece of work in my past life!

No matter. Currently I am going about my business like I actually deserve to live in spite of the broader message I seem to be getting. In honor of that blatant denial of the obvious, I have created a my first little slide show so can share with you how I spent most of my day after I snuck away from Dr. Mengele’s dental office and my eyes recovered. I’m glad they kept working for me because as you can see it’s spring here and there is nothing more beautiful to me than spring in the Northwest. The Saint and I went up to the Skagit Valley to take in some tulip viewing and latte` sipping. We were treated to some snow geese action in the bargain and I got some shaky video clips worthy of any drunken sailor during a high seas tumult. You might want to hit the Dramamine before viewing. I have zero video skills and you’ll not likely see me entering any swanky film festivals. As a matter of fact at this very minute I’m not sure I even possess the tech skills to upload this thing to the blog. Happy Spring and if we have met in a past life…I’M SORRY…for whatever it was I did—now call off your dog, Karma, I’m going to take a nap.

1 comment:

  1. That is a bit of craziness. Blind? Wow. I'm glad this visit left you better off.